In a relationship and building your first business? Then, you need to listen to this episode!
During this episode of The eCommerce Podcast, Anton talks about relationships and their impact on the success (or failure) of your new business. He also shares actionable advice on how to set yourself up for success whether you’re working with, or without your partner.
Listen in to hear his advice for building a business with (or without) your significant other.
Hey, what's up everybody. Anton here from eCommerceLifestyle.com and welcome to another episode of eCommerce Lifestyle Podcast. If you're watching this on YouTube and you see that I'm looking at notes, that's because I just wanted to outline a few main points that I'm sure to hit on in this episode because this is really an important topic and I don't want to miss anything. Because again, I think people that are struggling with this really do need this episode and need to hear these messages. Like the title of the episode says, this is what you should be listening to if you're in a relationship and specifically if you're in a relationship and you're first getting into building businesses. So you're first starting to build your thing, whatever it is. Whether it's a dropshipping store, whether it's an Amazon business, whether it's opening a store down the street from your house, it doesn't really matter. This episode would apply to anybody that's in a relationship that is building a business, they're in the early stages.
The reason I want to talk about this and the reason I even thought about it is because on the previous episode of the podcast, I interviewed Josh and Iria 00:01:04 and they're running the store together. They're husband and wife and they're literally working together and they're building a store that's growing and growing and growing. Actually multiple stores for a few years now. Now, I don't think everybody should do that. It's working great for them being business partners and married. This is more though for, I think what most people will experience, which is either the husband or the wife or the boyfriend or the girlfriend is the one running the business and the other one has no interest in it or maybe a little interest, but their real thing is, they're happy doing whatever it is they're doing and the other person is the one that's building the business. So that would be you.
Now, another reason I wanted to talk about it is because this past weekend I was just in New York for one of my buddy's weddings and just hit me again because they were doing their wedding vows and both of them, the main thing they talked about was the support that they get from the other person in their professional careers. And it was funny because even the person that was officiating the wedding, he spoke about it and then my buddy spoke about it and his now wife spoke about it and I was like, yeah, that's what does really, in my opinion, lead to the most successful relationships and then marriages. So two careers that couldn't be further apart, my buddy does big finance deals in Manhattan and commercial real estate and his wife works for a nonprofit. So again, doing totally different things, but the way they support each other in each of their roles is what ultimately led to them deciding to be together forever, for marriage. So super important, that whole support side of everything.
Now, you might be thinking like, okay, Anton, I've heard other videos you've done where you talk about if you're just getting started, you can just ignore everybody around you. When I'm talking about that, I mean if you're younger and your parents are telling you, oh, you shouldn't be doing this. You should go get this secure job wherever. Or if your uncles or aunts or brothers or sisters or cousins or friends even are telling you you shouldn't be doing what you're doing, I totally believe, don't even listen to them. It's not worth it. You don't have to tell them about everything every day. You don't have to give them daily updates. They're not checking in on you to see what's happening. So if that's the kind of feedback you're getting from people around you, don't even talk about what you're doing, just do it. And if they ever have any questions, then you could talk about it once you're successful.
But I'll tell you I've been doing this stuff for 12 years now and still most people never even ask me what I do. And I'm sure in the beginning if I would have brought up all these things I was trying, I would've got that feedback of, yeah, maybe you should just go and apply here while you're doing that. Side note, don't worry about most people's opinions. But with that being said, the person that you're with, again, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever, that person needs to know what's happening. They're going to know what's happening and the way that they either support you or don't support you is going to be part of what leads to you either being successful or not successful.
I bring that up because I've done this both ways. I've been in relationships in the past where the person I was with did not, not just even support what I was doing, but they were negative towards that. They were detracting from it. Like, Oh, why are you doing this at night when we could be here? Or why are you wanting to start this new business when you have this other one? And it was not this positive reinforcement at all, but it was impossible to get away from because this is the person. The person you're with is who you're going to spend all your time with.
Now, the person I'm with now, the person I'm married to for a reason, lots of reasons, but one big one is that support. We support each other, everything. If I ever want to talk about business, she loves it. She gives me great ideas, she gives me great feedback. She even suggests things sometimes. So it's like night and day. And I'll tell you, some of the worst times I've had in business, some of the worst times I've not even felt motivated, some of the times where I haven't given it my all was when I was in a bad relationship with the support not being there and be exactly the opposite and the times I've done my best is since I met my wife. There's a lot that has to say, I guess. So if you're in a relationship where things don't seem so great, I'll give you some tips on trying and to fix it and yeah, make it so you have that support.
The first step I would say in this whole thing, again, if you're new, you're starting to build a business, is believe in yourself. If you don't believe that whatever you're doing is going to work, if you don't believe that you can do it personally, then the person you're with is going to pick up on that and it's not going to be helpful. it's going to lead ultimately to arguments, to resentment, to just actually hurting the relationship instead of strengthening it.
Before you start to go out there and even talk to your significant other about what it is you're going to accomplish, make sure that you actually believe you're going to accomplish it. Because if you don't, again, they're going to pick up on that. And then when you give up in a month, two months, three months, a year, whatever, it's going to now have in your significant other's head that, okay, my person, the person that I'm with actually can't do this. They failed. And you don't want that to happen. You could have up and down times, but if you don't believe, again, that you're going to be able to do it, don't even try until you're ready. Don't bring it up until it's going to happen. Or else it just will slowly lower that trust factor that they have in you. So definitely keep that in mind.
The second thing, step two in making sure you're with the right person and having somebody that supports you is to believe in the system you're using or the business you're using. So again, maybe you've been in a relationship for a while and maybe you're first getting into an online business and you decide, even with my program, with dropshiplifestyle.com if you want to check it out, if you decide that that's what you're going to do and that's going to be your model, make sure you believe that that model works.
Because again, if you don't, even if you believe in yourself, you'll be giving yourself an out. You'll be giving yourself an excuse to back away from it when your significant other says, hey, you've been doing this for a month or two months or three months and you don't seem to be making anything significant yet. Yet you're putting in all this time and nights and weekends to build it. If they tell you that and you don't believe in the system and obviously you're with them for a reason, you respect them, you trust them, then that could even be enough for you to throw your hands up and say, yeah, you know what, you're right. This isn't worth my time. I'd rather watch the new Breaking Bad movie with you on Netflix tonight, so I'm just not going to touch this thing. Then you know you're going to fail. And then in their minds, they're going to think, well okay, this was my person. Again, they tried this but it didn't work for them because you would have given up the situation.
Again, step one, believe in yourself. Step two, believe in the system you're using so you can push through all those initial phases of building and get those results later on. Step three, again, super important. When you're with a person, explain to them why you're doing what you're doing. Going back to what is your why and explain why you're passionate about it. It shouldn't just be like, hey, I want to make all this extra money so I'm just going to do this thing. Talk to them really about why you enjoy what it is you do and why you're investing to start this new business or why you're not going to be available at night for the next month or why on the weekends you can't go to the farmer's market because you have work to do to build this new thing.
Again, upfront, just explain the why and if they care about you, they should support that. They should say, okay, I understand. I see why you want to do this. Again, they should be supporting you in it instead of giving you a face like, oh, you're really going to go on the computer again? You're really going to call another supplier right now, or whatever it is? It should be the exact opposite, but don't just start doing it again. Don't just start disappearing on them. Explain both your why and your passion before you do it.
Step four, and this is a big one that I really didn't understand for a long time, but if again, you're in a relationship and the person you're with really isn't interested, they support you in what you're doing. They say, okay, I get it. I see why you want to do it. I would love for you to achieve it, but they're not really interested. They're interested in supporting you because they love and respect you, but they're not interested in a business standpoint. Just more as a partner standpoint. If that's the case, don't talk about it all the time. I actually learned this from one of my uncles and he told me years ago, that when he would go home from work, he work in the city all day, go home at night, he said they almost never, him and his wife almost never spoke about business and about how the day went. I asked him, "Well, why? That's your life. You're running this huge company, you're there all the time." And he said, because he didn't want to bring the stresses and the problems home.
If you don't own a business yet, maybe you don't understand this. If you do own a business, you definitely understand this. But it's not all every day is smiles and everything's going up, things are going to go wrong, things are going to break. You're going to make mistakes. Your employees are going to make mistakes, your partner is going to make mistakes and a lot of times it's stressful. Don't let that creep into your personal life, into your relationship. Again, assuming that your significant other has no interest in it because that's what it's going to cause.
It's going to cause stress, it's going to cause some uncertainties and it's going to lead to eventually them being like, you know what, why are you even doing this? Every night you have this issue or now you're telling me about this employee that messed up or this ad manager that spent all this extra money, whatever it is. Again, if they don't care, don't talk about it. Keep that to work. Keep your personal life personal. On the flip side, again, if you're a couple that's both into business, then yeah, they'll probably love to hear about it and give you feedback. But if that's not the way you see conversations going, keep it to yourself.
The fifth step, a little bit on the flip side of what I just talked about, but that's sharing the wins together. That's not talking about business every night. But when something good happens in your business, maybe you hit a milestone in sales or whatever it is, your biggest order ever, then celebrate that together. Tell your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever, hey, I want to go out to this new restaurant we've never been to before. Or I want to take a weekend trip to wherever. Then you could say, yeah, we just hit this milestone in the business. I'm really proud of it and I want to celebrate it with you. Those conversations, find to have whether or not they're interested in the business, keep it to celebrating wins together. If they don't care, don't bring up the day to day because it's going to have them lose interest real fast in what it is you're doing.
Finally, step six. This is really for the new, new, new people that are just getting into building something, and that is don't waste money and don't [inaudible 00:11:24] every couple of months. One thing that will lose the respect and the trust of your partner real fast even if they support you 100% on day one is if by day 60 they see that you're now, let's say you were doing eCommerce and on day 60 you're like, oh, I'm going to try to write books on Kindle now, and then they see that you bought a $2,000 course on how to write books on Kindle. Then they see that the store that you had originally built for eCommerce is now no longer available because you're doing this other thing. And then two months later, they see that you published one book on Kindle and it never got anybody to even see the page and now you're saying, oh, I'm going to build this affiliate marketing site about computer monitors.
If you're doing that, again, think about this on a longer timescale. Even if you have their full support on day one, if by day 90 you're doing three different things, you bought all these courses, spent all this money on ads and nothing's come of it besides you bouncing to the next thing again, then that 100% trust you had on day one is now probably five and they're sick of it. Because now they see it as a very expensive hobby rather than something you're really doing for your passion. That goes back to points one and two though. If you don't believe in yourself, don't even start. And if you don't believe in the system or the business you're using, don't even start. because if you don't have those, you will be failing on step six by jumping and jumping and jumping. So yeah, those are the main six. Hope you found that helpful. I'll say, if you're in a relationship now and, this could happen too, and this has happened, so speaking from experience.
You could be on day one and explaining like, hey, here's this thing or this new thing I'm going to do. And the feedback could be, really? I don't want you to do that. I enjoy our time together after work, I enjoy our weekends when we're out on the lake the whole time or going to the pool, whatever it is. And if it's that negative feedback from day one and you talk about your why, you talk about why you believe in it and you're still getting that, honestly, if you're just a couple, a boyfriend and a girlfriend and there's no kids involved, my advice is just break it up because it's going to be you not being happy or it's going to be them not being happy and there's going to be a point where it doesn't work anyway and where you're years behind because you tried to make it work. So if there's no kids, boyfriend or girlfriend, honestly, you're probably better off on your own and then finding somebody that would be on the same page as you.
Now, if you're in a marriage or something, then I can't give you that much advice on how to fix that besides honestly, maybe that's one of the times where speaking to someone together make sense so you can try to get them on the same page as you. Because if they don't support you in it, I'm telling you, you will not succeed. It's that simple. It won't work. And that's just the reality of life. The mental game that you'll have to deal with every morning and every night after work will pull you so far from what your true goal is that it will never be seen or never be achieved. So keep that in mind. It made all the difference for me.
Being single, that's great. You could do very well on your own. Being with someone that doesn't support you, just everything's going to drop, you're going to fail. And then being with somebody that does support you, things can just skyrocket. Hopefully you're with the right person already. If not, hope you find them. And if you don't, stay alone till you reach what you want to reach and then get into it because then you won't have anything to prove.
I don't know guys, hope you found that helpful. Just wanting to share that today. As always, if you got value, would really appreciate a review over on iTunes for the podcast. Make sure you're also subscribed because I've been putting out a bunch of episodes, some more like this, some more tactical with actual eCommerce advice on Shopify. And if you're listening to this or watching this and you're not part of Drop Ship Lifestyle yet, be sure to go to dropshipwebinar.com. That's where you can get my free training and learn how to get enrolled with my award-winning program, Drop Ship Lifestyle. Thank you everybody. Appreciate you, and I'll talk to you in the next episode. Bye.
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